Self-esteem is a collection of internal beliefs about our worth and value that affects our relationships and health. The successes and failures we experience from childhood through adulthood, including work, relationships, and parenting, have a major impact on how we evaluate ourselves. If you’re interested in improving your relationship with yourself, here are six strategies to set you on the right path.
1. Nurture Yourself
Establishing the discipline of self-care is one way to value yourself and help increase your feelings of worth. Journaling, taking time for yourself, nourishing and moving your body, getting true rest, giving yourself a pep talk, spending time in nature, or learning a new skill or hobby are examples of self-care.
Self-care also includes things that may be difficult, such as letting go of toxic relationships, setting boundaries, holding yourself accountable, finding alternatives to negative beliefs about yourself, asking for help, and saying no.
2. Untangle from thought traps
The thoughts we have about ourselves fall on a spectrum that is positive on one end and negative on the other. All thoughts affect your feelings, and feelings affect your behavior. Patterns of negative thoughts, or thought traps, can lead to diminished self-esteem and self-worth. Some common negative thoughts associated with lower self-esteem are, “I’m weak,” “Nothing good ever happens to me,” or” “I’m a failure.”
At the other end of the spectrum is toxic positivity, an unhealthy point of view that suggests people should focus only on the positive, no matter how dire the circumstances or feelings. Toxic positivity is just that, toxic. Asking someone who is hurting to “look on the bright side” is not reasonable and could encourage someone who is feeling vulnerable to ignore their negative experiences, eroding self-esteem. Healing requires people to feel experiences in order to release them.
If you are confronted by this behavior, it’s OK to say that you are grieving or hurting and need to be allowed to do that. If you are someone who is guilty of this behavior, here are some examples of alternative phrasing for supporting someone in pain.
- It’s time to get over it. → Things are rough sometimes; I’m here for you.
- Think happy thoughts. → It’s OK to be sad. Let’s do something to take your mind off it for a bit.
- It could be worse. → Finding the good can be challenging when you’re feeling hopeless.
3. Remember your superpowers
Can you name five strengths you use daily? If not, you may have forgotten how amazing you are! We tend to take our natural talents and abilities for granted. Set aside 10 minutes, a few times a week to acknowledge your strengths and celebrate your accomplishments.
People who have a profound awareness of both their strengths and weaknesses tend to have higher self-esteem because they can view weaknesses as growth opportunities, which takes a tremendous amount of self-reflection and honesty. Some of the ways that you can address and learn from your weaknesses include:
- Developing a plan of action with what’s called a SWOT analysis—looking at your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats.
- Gaining perspective by asking for constructive feedback from a mentor or trusted friend.
- Taking a class to improve a skill or learn a new craft or hobby, which increases your cognitive flexibility and ability to adapt to change.
4. Remove self-imposed limits
We all have a happiness or goodness setpoint that determines the amount of success, happiness, and fulfillment we allow ourselves. Once it is reached, we tend to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors to return to our self-imposed limits. This can manifest as procrastination, comparing yourself to others, excessive doubt, fear, shame, and disorganization. You can raise your setpoint by:
- Developing new skills and improving the ones you have
- Taking calculated risks
- Watching the language you use to talk to, or about, yourself
- Surrounding yourself with people who support you
5. Extend grace to your whole self
A common misconception of self-compassion is that it dismisses undesirable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, when it can actually help you better accept the less desirable parts of yourself and increase self-esteem. Extend grace and kindness to your whole self. Get out of your own way and allow yourself to feel empowered by your imperfections and lessons learned. Set limits on your inner critic’s influence and step toward becoming the best version of yourself.
6. Live with intention and purpose
Values are the baseline of our individual human existence. They give us meaning and purpose. When we have low self-esteem, there is often an incongruence—or incompatibility—between our values and actions.
Find your ikigai*—a Japanese concept that loosely translates to your reason for living or getting up in the morning. Engaging in activities to which you have a natural connection is one way to find your ikigai and live with purpose.
Help is Available If You Need It If self-esteem issues or other negative emotions are leaving you feeling stuck or impacting your ability to function in daily life, therapy could help. Foresight’s therapists have immediate availability, book today.
*For more on the concept of ikigai and building resilience, check out this podcast.
